Parents want their children to be professionally successful, well liked, financially independent, and happy. But the world will benefit most from children who are raised primarily to be good. Good children grow into individuals who bring humanity and security to a fragile world. Here is a list of the top 5 traits to instill in kids—for society’s sake:

1.       Empathy—Compassion underlies all morality. A person cannot act honorably if he or she is unable to relate to the feelings, situations, and motives of others, and attach to them emotionally. Youngsters cannot act kindly if they believe they are the center of the universe and consider their feelings supreme. Empathy is powerful. It can prevent one child from hurting another through physical violence or humiliation. The Columbine shooters displayed a lack of empathy to the extreme.

2.       Humility—Humility elicits wonder and admiration from others. It inspires those of us who recognize it to explore our own characters—to soul-search and to measure ourselves against it. Humility is a modest, unassuming, unpretentious nature that incorporates a polite respect for others. Humble people glide smoothly from one place to another. They have no egos to feed. They do now blow their own horns or sing their own praises. They are as attentive to the local server or grocery clerk as they are to the most esteemed corporate head.

3.       Individuality—It takes courage to stand alone when peer pressure is pushing in on you from every angle. Independent thinkers have strong backbones that protect them from being influenced by the behavior of others. They are not afraid to make tough choices and to risk some losses. Children who confidently think outside the teenage box are often appreciated, respected, and admired by their peers for being able to extend beyond conventional group think. Distinctive kids are proud of being unique and eccentric, and they delight in not fitting in. These children become leaders of healthy trends, developers of fresh ideas, and creators of new ways of accomplishing things.

4.       Balance—Balance brings poise and equilibrium to our potholed lives. Maintaining stability means living a full and active life that stimulates the intellect, inspires creativity, fuels physical activity, and arouses care and curiosity. When a child’s life is replete with varied activities, disappointments (like failed friendships) produce nothing more than a slight bump in the road—not total and dismal destruction. When something leaves a hole in the fabric of a steady child, other activities and interests rush in to fill the space. Balance ensures that childhood pressures don’t interrupt the flow of our children’s lives, cripple their performance, depress their dispositions, or attract them to unhealthy and numbing alternative solutions.

5.       Self-Control—Eric Hoffer worte: “The basic test of freedom is perhaps less in what we are free to do than in what we are free not to do.” To children, freedom is the confidence their parents have in them to do the right thing—to leave that party or to get out of that car. Maintaining freedom is having the restraint not to do the irresponsible thing—not to drink that beer or smoke that joint. Children who have the self-control to think ahead about consequences to rash and reckless behavior, learn to make wise decisions and lead decent lives. Choosing to live within the family unit’s rules and regulations ensures continued trust, respect, and freedom—all of which are earned by performing honorable acts.

Evil exists, and there are many ways to combat it. We can fight it, arrest it, “treat” it, and understand it. Or we can avoid some of it by giving our children tools and reasons for being good, for having integrity, and for demonstrating character. As William Ross Wallace wrote, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”

Dear Mrs. Goldman,

With the school year in full swing, my 11-year old daughter has found herself in the middle of a group of girls who are sometimes not very nice to other students. My daughter finds their behavior unacceptable, but she is afraid to step away from this group of girls. Is there anything she can do to stop the behavior (or misbehavior) of this group without alienating them?

Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent,

This seems to be a problem for all times. Just look at our country’s political situation throughout the years. There you will to see the entire scope of school playground problems enlarged on the world’s stage. Diplomacy and tact are required in your daughter’s situation. Here is one possible solution: Your daughter tells her friends that she doesn’t like their behavior and then just walks away. But, most likely, that approach would alienate these girls from your daughter. Since she does not wish that to happen, she needs to become the head of the “United Nations” and plan her strategy diplomatically.

Sometimes talking with the classroom teacher helps resolve some of these issues. Teachers can rearrange work groups so that different students work together on different projects. Working with another group of students helps children recognize the strengths of each individual child.

On the playground, your daughter could point out to the misbehaving group that certain students have great athletic ability and would be assets to one of the school’s sports teams. Or your daughter could encourage the girls who are being mistreated to engage with your daughter’s other friends one-on-one, rather than as a group. Offering to help with an assignment (or asking for help) can demonstrate that each girl has something to offer.

Becoming involved in activities outside of school may encourage all of the girls to get along in a neutral setting. Girl Scouts, volunteer groups, book clubs, tutoring, and helping a teacher after school all can help students see each other in a more positive light.          

If nothing seems to be working and your daughter is still unhappy with her friends’ behavior, she may have to make a choice about what type of friends she wants to keep. Associating with people who do not respect your opinions and do not reflect your values may be something your daughter needs to think about.

Dear Dr. Essig,

My parents are overreacting. They yelled at me and called me a thief just because my mom found some things that didn’t belong to me hidden in my room—a small TV, a Blackberry, and a digital camera. Listening to them, you would think I was going to wind up as a crook and do hard time. I’m only 14 years old, and I’m just having fun. I have good goals. I want to go to college and become an FBI agent. And my friends think I’m really cool.

I love both my parents, and I know that they love me and want the best for me. I don’t want to disappoint them. I promise to follow your advice.

–Not a Bad Kid

Dear Not a Bad Kid,

Whew! As I began reading your letter, I was preparing to put on my boxing gloves. Then, after I read your last paragraph and your signature, I pushed my boxing gloves away—along with the advice I was planning to give you.

Your parents are not overreacting. They were shocked, disappointed, and angry at what they discovered. They probably thought that their dreams for you were going up in smoke. Give some serious thought to types of items your parents found hidden in your room. They were not three chocolate bars, you know.

Here’s my advice: First, immediately return all of the hidden items to their rightful owners—whether they belonged to a store or to an individual. If you can’t remember where they came from, donate them to a charitable organization. When you return these items, have one or both of your parents drive you—not your friends.

Next, it’s too bad your friends think you’re cool. With friends like that, you don’t have to look too far for enemies. Put some energy into finding new friends! By the way, if you had been arrested and convicted of stealing, you would have had to “kiss” a career with the FBI good-by. The FBI would not consider hiring you with theft in your background.

Finally, give each one of your parents a hug and a kiss, and tell them you will never, ever do anything that stupid again! Mean what you say, and say it with meaning. Your future depends upon your sincerity. You did a very foolish thing; however, I agree that you are not a bad kid. A bad kid would not have written to me, not have promised to follow my advice, and not have told me that he loves his parents.

Trust must be earned, and it will take awhile for you to gain back your parents’ trust. The three of you must be patient with each other for a while. The burden is on you, Not a Bad Kid. I have faith in you because, as you so aptly said, you love your parents and they love you.