What’s happening to our girls? Are they sugar and spice and everything nice? Maybe not.

Recently, the FBI released its 2007 crime statistics. The report confirmed a nationwide drop in violent crime. Hallelujah! Immediately, I clicked on the referenced Web site, http://www.fbi.gov/page2/sept08/crimestats_091508.html. I was eager to get the breakdown of the good news. Most of the figures represented trends for all ages, but I was most interested in the data for kids under 18. Here it is: “Table 35: Five-Year Arrest Trends.” This table reflects percentages for the under-18 crowd, and it also breaks down the information into “male” and “female” categories. Perfect!

But it wasn’t perfect. Out of 31 categories of crimes, boys’ arrests went up in nine of them over the last five years: murder/non-negligent manslaughter (+27.3%); robbery (+34.2%); violent crime (+6.0%); embezzlement (+40.7%); vandalism (+4.0%); weapons (+12.9%); gambling (+11.3%); drunkenness (+0.1%); and curfew/loitering violations (+2.6%).

Out of the same 31 categories, girls’ arrests went up in 13 of them over the last five years: murder/non-negligent manslaughter (+10.5%); robbery (+38.7%); other assaults (+3.3%); embezzlement (+46.8%); stolen property/buying/receiving (+10.3%); vandalism (+0.6%); weapons (+0.6%); prostitution (+12.7%); driving under the influence (+4.6%); liquor laws (+9.5%); Drunkenness (+12.2%); disorderly conduct (+4.7%); and curfew/loitering (+3.9%).

The boys’ numbers went down for DUIs, liquor laws, and disorderly conduct; and they had only a slight increase (0.1%) in drunkenness. But the girls went up substantially in all of these categories, and more.

What is going on? Have we focused all of our time, money, and energy on combating male juvenile crime, but ignored what is happening with our girls? Have we naively assumed that underage girls are gentler and more passive, and that we don’t need to consider them when mulling over crime reduction programs and strategies?

I don’t like it, but the Western world is pressing for gender sameness. We want everyone to be identical and to live in a homogenous unisex setting where men choose to portray themselves as more sensitive and women choose to announce their gender equality. Well, that announcement has been loudly heard in the FBI’s 2007 crime statistics.

These figures depict a conflicted generation. Girls are trying to solve their problems the way they think boys solve theirs. But crime data and You Tube videos show us that that may not be the best or safest path for our daughters to take. Girls who are comfortable in their own skin don’t need to act like someone else in order to feel equal or powerful. They know they are perfectly equal and plenty powerful just the way they are. Children who understand and accept their innate tendencies enjoy greater feelings of contentment and tranquility. If these two qualities were adopted by more of our children, the world would be a kinder, safer place for all of us.

Dear Mrs. Goldman,

Well, here it is…the start of a new school year. My children are excited about going back to school. Supplies have been purchased, and bags have been packed. How can I best support my children’s teachers? I want to make sure that everyone involved has a good, productive, and exciting year?

Mom

Dear Mom,

Just asking this question puts you at the front of the line with your children’s teachers. More than anything else, teachers want to assure that every child in their classroom has a great school year. Here is one thing you can do to help steer your kids’ educational path in a positive direction:

Introduce yourself to your children’s teachers early on in the school year. Be courteous and respectful of your teachers’ time. Make an appointment to meet. At that appointment, tell your teachers anything they should know about your children that might affect their school year. Is there a health issue? a behavior issue? a schedule issue? Tell the teachers all they need to know to help your children be successful.

In addition, inform your children’s teachers of any academic issues that affect your children. Are they strong (or weak) readers? Is math a strong (or weak) subject? What can you expect in terms of daily homework? Is there a Web site that can inform and update you on a daily basis?

Find out the quickest and easiest way to maintain contact with your kids’ teachers. Does e-mail work best? Are phone messages preferred? Passing notes back and forth through your children is another way to establish communication. If your kids use daily assignment books, notes can be written in them and checked regularly by both teachers and parents.

Your initial meeting with your children’s teachers can be very productive. It can help your kids, their teachers, and you have a great school year!

Dear Dr. Essig,

I am a 14-year-old girl who has just started high school. I’ve always had good grades, and I’ve never given my parents a reason to distrust me. They know most of my friends, and they like them. In fact, many of my friends’ parents are friends with my mom and dad. Now, all of a sudden, my parents don’t trust me. When they ask me where I’ve been, I tell them, but they say things like, “Are you sure?”

What’s gotten into them? I haven’t changed since I graduated from middle school. I’ve never been in trouble before. What can I say or do to make them trust me again?

Unhappy Daughter,

Dear Unhappy Daughter,

I don’t think your problem has anything to do with your parents not trusting you. While you were in elementary school, you were their “little girl.” When you moved on to middle school, you felt you were growing up, but your parents still saw you as their “little girl.” Now that you are in high school, you and your parents both know that you are, indeed, growing up!

 Your teenage emotions and thoughts—about dating, driving, and dreams for the future—are different from those of your parents. After nurturing you and protecting you throughout your 14 years, they now have to let you “spread your wings” and prepare yourself for the future. It’s not about a lack of trust, “Unhappy Daughter.” It’s about fear mixed with excitement for what the future will bring—for you and for them.

Driving safety is a big concern for parents. And so is dating, especially for dads of daughters. Dads usually have strong opinions about the boys their daughters date. College elicits a variety of emotions, and anxiety about money is one of the biggest. Finances will determine whether you live at home or live away at college during your post-high school years.

 Right now, all of these issues seem exciting to you! But this time came faster for your parents than they thought it would. They really do trust you. They’re simply reacting to the realization that their little girl is growing up and will soon be on her way.

Your parents realize that life is changing. Reassure them that you are still the same old you and that you will continue to get good grades. Invite them for an evening of football and pizza once in awhile. Maybe your friends’ parents can come too.

 It won’t be long before you fly out of the “nest.” These high school years will fly by for all of you. Your family has entered a new and exciting stage! This is all part of the preparation.