The bagel I was eating was toasty warm, but inside, I was fuming mad. My anger started out as a small flame, something akin to a stovetop burner. But as time progressed, my simmer intensified to a forest fire. Do you want to know why? Well, here’s the story:

Two tables down from my husband and me, a mother and her son were also enjoying warm bagels. This kid was so cute! He had blond, tousled hair; cherub cheeks; and a sweet disposition. I wonder if his mother noticed how adorable he was. Probably not. Because she was spending every moment of her restaurant time with him animatedly engaged with a girlfriend on her cell phone. Not once during our little bagel adventure did she interact with her child. Not once!

Some people say that the United States is absorbed in a burgeoning self-esteem movement. But that was not apparent with this mom and son. Spending 20 minutes across the table from a delightful, dimpled youngster, and ignoring him for every one of those minutes, did little for that child’s budding sense of worth. In fact, I consider this mom’s self-preoccupation to be a neglectful act—an act of omission—that has the potential to harm her child in a variety of ways.

Parents have a job. That job is to release decent human beings into society. This is an enormous responsibility that requires planning and spontaneity; thought and action—continually for a good 18 years. Children who are ignored by people who are supposed to care about them will eventually try to seek out attention in ways their parents do not approve of and in ways that are potentially harmful to them. Kids who crave attention are fodder for predatory groups who are eager to accept them into the fold and then influence them to do things that would make their parents cringe (violent acts, sex, drugs, alcohol, et cetera).

By sitting down with your child, bagel in hand, and engaging in youthful conversation, you are sending a message to your youngster that he is interesting, charming, and fun to be with. Children who believe they have these qualities, don’t need to troll in an unfamiliar social pond hoping to catch a friend or two who will make him feel important and connected.

Parents, your job extends way beyond filling your child’s tummy with a warm sesame seed bagel. It also includes talking and laughing and teaching and bonding—in the hope that your child will behave throughout his lifetime in a way that will bring you joy and make you proud.

Dear Mrs. Goldman,

Now that summer is winding down, even my children are getting excited about school starting again. How can I help them have the best school year ever?

–Nancy G.

Dear Nancy,

Having worked as a teacher for about a hundred years (!), I have often thought that Labor Day and New Year’s Day should be reversed on the calendar. The first day of school is similar to New Year’s Day; it is filled with anticipation, excitement, and resolutions. To demonstrate to my students that fall is, indeed, a time for new beginnings, I used to adorn my September classroom with “Happy New Year” decorations. How can you prepare your child for the coming school year? Here are a few things you can do before school starts.

First, start acclimating your children to school bedtime and wake-up hours. Easing your children into an earlier bedtime (even 15-30 minutes earlier each night) will help them adjust to school hours. Waking them up a few minutes earlier each day will help them respond to school wake-up calls.

If your children have not acquired the reading habit during the summer (:-( ), September is a great time to start. Take your kids to the library or bookstore, and help them choose a book they will enjoy reading. Re-reading a favorite (but age-appropriate) book is okay, too. Have your children read for a few minutes every night before lights out; this routine will help them relax and fall asleep more easily.

Preparing lunch for your children’s school day is something your kids can help you with. Give them a few choices for sandwiches, vegetables, fruits, drinks, and snacks; then let them pick one food from each group. They will have a say in what they will be eating, but you will maintain control over their choices. To familiarize them with the process, start making lunches a few weeks prior to the first day of school. To help regulate your child’s appetite, find out what time the school’s lunch period is, and then begin serving lunches at home at the same time. While you are preparing lunches, offer your children lessons about nutrition and the value of saving money.

Be sure your child has a place to complete homework assignments. When you shop for school supplies, select some that will remain at home. Having a place to put homework tools is important. Some things to have on hand at home include a dictionary, thesaurus, atlas, pencils, paper, pens, markers, scissors, ruler, and calculator. Having these things easily accessible will reduce frustration at homework time. Have a brightly colored folder ready to put completed work in; this will remind your children where their homework is and when to turn in assignments.

Dear Dr. Essig,

My family is in a quandary over proper manners. I don’t mean the typical “Thank you” and “You’re welcome” type of manners; my sister, Carol, and I are rather good at that sort of thing. But our grandmother thinks that every time my sister and I are introduced to adults, we should extend a hand and say, “I’m happy to meet you” or “Pleased to meet you.” Oh, I forgot to mention that my sister and I are twins, and we will be turning 13 in October. It seems kind of silly to me to force a grown-up action on two girls who are almost teenagers; but my sister and I have agreed to follow your advice. Often, Carol and I search the computer for interesting suggestions or ideas, and that’s how we discovered you. Kind of weird, huh? Before my grandmother brought the subject of handshaking up, no one ever said that Carol and I are impolite kids. What is your opinion of teenagers shaking hands with the adults they are introduced to?

–Just call me “Puzzled”

Dear Puzzled,

Thank you for taking the time to write to me about teenagers shaking hands with adults. And by the way, I don’t think your question is weird at all. Before I begin to address your family’s quandary, though, let me say that I find your letter to be a “breath of fresh air.” You and Carol didn’t slough off your grandmother’s concern regarding handshaking manners—or what she perceives to be a lack of handshaking manners. Your willingness to abide by my advice indicates that the two of you honor your grandmother and value her wisdom, which was gained through age and experience. You and your sister are two admirable almost-teenagers. I’m sure your parents and grandmother are proud of both of you.

Now, back to your quandary. I do not believe for one minute that your grandmother was criticizing you because you didn’t shake adults’ hands when you were introduced to them. Your grandmother views handshaking as a courteous act. When a young teenager shakes my hand and says, “I’m happy to meet you,” I am very impressed with that youngster. That child has bestowed respect and honor on me, a person who has lived longer and experienced more. Really, “Puzzled,” I don’t think displaying good manners will ever be considered old fashioned.

I’m probably about your grandmother’s age. Recently, I had occasion to introduce my almost-13-year-old grandson to one of my neighbors. I was extremely proud of him when he reached out, shook my friend’s hand, and said, “I’m happy to meet you.” That kind of etiquette will never go out of style.

You and Carol sound terrific! I would be honored to shake your hands one day!